Someone recently asked Brad & I if we thought that our first year of marriage was hard.... Brad & I looked at each other & said, "Is it supposed to be?" The friend who asked is engaged and has been told that the first year of marriage is evidently one of the hardest years.
I guess I can [
maybe] understand how the first year of marriage is
supposed to be hard:
-living with someone is always an adjustment in the beginning.. you have to learn each others habits and figure out what your routines are going to be. For me, it was realizing that my husband could be playing Call of Duty and not even notice that 5 hours has gone by... for him? It's probably weird for him to see me laying on the couch with a book for 6 hours and not hear a thing he said to me.. I've had to get used to the face that after Brad shaves, he doesn't clean the whiskers out of the bathroom sink, he's had to realize I tend to leave the toilet seat cover up. It's an adjustment to realize you're the one who has to cook dinner now- not your mom... or to set a routine of who's going to go to bed when.. or who's sleeping on what side of the bed [when you've been sleeping in your own bed for 23 years- sharing with someone else can be pain.]
-for a woman, it might take some time to get used to having a new name. I've been married for over a year now and I still find myself saying "Tiffany Pritchard- errr.. I mean Tiffany Bogenschutz" or that sometimes I'll be writing my name and have to stop and start spelling B-o-g-e-n-s-c-h-u-t-z, just to make sure that I've spelled my last name correctly.
-remembering that it's not just you anymore.. it's not that Brad or I have to "ask" each other for permission to go have a guy/girls night out with friends.. but we do let the other person know where we'll be. It's about being considerate and letting the your significant other know what's going on. Regardless of how long you've dated someone, you never really had to let them know if you were going to have an impromptu dinner with someone in the middle of the day... but now that you're married- the other person might notice if you're not there to make them dinner. ;]
-vacations, holidays, shopping, pets, money children, house hold duties---> these are all examples of possible things married couples could fight about. I think it's important that people talk about these important topics before they get married. Brad & I were lucky enough to take a marriage class at our church before getting married. Every Sunday for 6 weeks we discussed all these issues and more. Brad & I found we agree on most things. :]
For Bradley & I- the first year of marriage has been a breeze. *knock on wood* We haven't had too many disagreements, and when there has been something we tend to talk about it & compromise. We dated for 8 years before we got married, even when we were dating we weren't much of an arguing couple. During those 8 years we did a lot of growing up together. We discussed things and really learned everything about each other.
I can say that the first year of marriage is an adjustment period. We didn't live together before so just getting used to that has been different. But it wasn't difficult or hard- it just needed to be done. If two people are willing to compromise and make things work then marriage shouldn't be hard. Yeah- over the years I'm sure we'll have our disagreements, fights, and I'm sure there will be times we probably won't be able to stand each other. But I think if we remember why we got married in the first place- because we love each other & he's my best friend- then I think every year will be as easy as the first year. Maybe I'm just being optimistic, (some people may even tell me I'm being naive) but I know that with God, hard work, and not giving up- every year will be a blessing.
Here's a picture I found on pinterest today... if only everyone could remember this.
Here are some of my favorite verses in the Bible on marriage:
"Haven't you read," he replied,
"that at the beginning the Creator 'made them male and female,' and
said, 'For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be
united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh' ? So they are no
longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man
not separate." -Matthew 19:4-6
Wives, submit to your husbands as
to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the
head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. -Ephesians 5:22-23
XoXo- Tiffany
